

Photo credit: © Sandee Nebel
I’ve been thinking about the self-imposed deadlines we give ourselves as we age, and how attached we are to numbers. It’s understandable, since there is pressure from all sides: our own biological realities, family, the medical community, culture, and society as a whole.
In some families, there are expectations that by a certain age, you should have reached specific milestones around marriage and family, career, or other aspirations. We may even have those expectations of ourselves. There are opportunities for women to freeze their eggs so they don’t have to worry about a biological deadline for having children.
With all this pressure, aging seems like it is more than an inconvenience; it can feel like an actual threat to meeting our goals. It’s no wonder we try to fight it, literally, with anti-aging interventions like creams, supplements, surgeries, and diets, designed to keep our skin, hair, and bodies looking and feeling young.
Even doctors use the term “anti-aging” these days, which really makes us feel like we’re not supposed to age. So what’s the answer? Pro-aging, or just aging well? Or not using the term aging at all. What if we’re not aging; we’re evolving—moving on a journey to the next beautiful life stage?
We actually lead a whole lot of different lives over our lifespan, and each stage and age has unique qualities and gifts. Twenty-year-olds have life accomplishments and acquired wisdom. As we get older, these slogans, sayings, and philosophies embed themselves more deeply, and we tend to repeat them more. I’m proud of the insights I’ve gained throughout my life, and I want to share them to help others.
So how can we make this particular evolution (some might call it our entry into the third act) seem appealing and desirable, or at least neutralize it so it’s not a pressure we feel compelled to subscribe to automatically?
This is not to minimize the real challenges of aging, and the compassion we must have for those who are struggling. We can also be proactive in addressing some of these challenges. Get your bone density checked, and speak to your healthcare team about how to address any issues. Physical therapy and personal training, when available, can help with strength, balance, and agility.
Ask yourself honestly, “What’s within my reach to take better care of myself today?” Can you take a short walk between other commitments? Can you say no to something that would make your schedule feel unmanageable? Can you make it to a yoga class this week or weave in some micro self-care?
There’s work to be done on all levels: physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental. When you’ve had trauma, eating disorders, or body image issues, there’s no reason to think they will just fade away as we age. We’ll still care about and be affected by these things.
It’s all about accepting or even befriending any pitfalls of aging—or evolving—and seeking support for them. You can be beautiful at any age, and that comes from doing the inner work of acceptance and self-compassion. Let’s be gentler with ourselves as we move through or advance toward this life stage, starting with the lens we see it through, and what we call it. It’s really quite positive, isn’t it, to arrive?