What’s Under the Surface?

Another type of self-care is to notice your emotions and thoughts to learn what you’re really feeling and thinking—so you can take care of yourself instead of responding by binge eating or restricting. When you’re more in touch with those emotions behind these types of maladaptive coping mechanisms, you can choose more self-caring responses.

In this feelings chart developed by Gloria Wilcox, you see the basic feelings in the center, and then what’s underneath them as you move towards the outside of the circle. The basic feelings are the tip of the iceberg or the top of an umbrella, with the other more detailed and accurate feelings underneath.

Anger is a common emotion that people eat over, that could have many possible emotions stewing below. By digging to discover deeper feelings, such as fear, jealousy or betrayal, we can deal with those true emotions and help ourselves get through them.

“It’s very difficult to lie to yourself when you’re writing. There’s something about putting pen to paper that always brings out the truth. That’s why journaling is such a powerful tool for your recovery.” – “You can’t lie to your journal,” in The Weekly Nourishment Journal: A Healing Practice to Free the Mind and Body.

Try using the feelings chart as a journaling prompt, as you reflect on which emotions are underneath the one you feel most strongly. I also love writing morning pages, as described by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way as “three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning.”

Sitting with the challenge of writing until you’ve filled three pages is a powerful way to get beyond the surface. Even if you start out by writing, “I can’t believe I have to write for three pages,” eventually you will get to the heart of whatever issue or situation is affecting you.

It may not happen in one day. Some people commit to a whole year of morning pages; others have been writing daily for many years. I’ve been experimenting with writing morning pages for thirty days at a time, and I’m amazed at what bubbles up to the surface. Keep going, and you, too, will have pivotal experiences and something will shift.

“There are a lot of ways to take quiet time; you don’t need to be sitting at home on the floor with your legs crossed—though that is an option.” – “Staying Centered in a Chaotic World”

Getting quiet is another important way to get to those deeper feelings. Legs up the wall is one of my favorite yoga poses because it’s so naturally meditative that you don’t even have to try; you just relax into it. It’s also one that I depended on when I was recovering from my knee injury. Doing this pose in bed is helpful for anyone who might struggle to get on or off the floor, as you can extend your legs up the headboard.

Whether at home in solitude, or in quiet solidarity with others in a yoga class, silencing the mind can bring emotions to the surface. A few months after my father died, it was in a yoga class when I finally got quiet and all the grief came out. It was a welcome relief, and I’m grateful I had this safe place to release these feelings.

Another idea I discuss with my clients is that emotions exist on a continuum. If calm is at one end (1) and rage is at the other (100), there are many ways to work with the feelings in between. For example, let’s say you’re feeling annoyed (15 or 20). If you deal with that by talking it through and applying some strategies, you can address the situation before you ever reach the point of anger (75) or full-on rage (100).

Challenge the all-or-nothing thinking that tells you you’re either anxious or calm, angry or loving, or despondent or ecstatic. There are so many places in between, and visiting each of these places gives you perspective and acceptance about how you’re feeling.

We block ourselves and our growth by just sticking with our surface-level emotions. By knowing, understanding, and befriending our emotions, we can avoid having to use any maladaptive coping mechanisms. Keep it simple, but please do this important work. Therapy can help.echanisms, you can choose more self-caring responses.