Finding Our Way Back to Connection

Today, we are all still in rehab, trying to get back to a certain level of social functioning. Will it get back to exactly what it was? No. There are still repercussions, still ripples. But it’s going to go someplace new.

So we have to kind of remember the lens that we look through. The lens we look through for relationships and connection now may be slightly different. People in our lives may have passed on. Things have changed. And we’re learning entirely new ways of connecting.

There is a so-called loneliness epidemic right now. And Facebook groups are one place it’s most visible. I belong to some groups for women over sixty, where I see thousands and thousands of members, and many of them share openly about how they are just looking for friends. Wondering who’s in their area. Wondering how other people make friends. Some groups have created subgroups and are setting up meetups. And there are so many posts, each and every day, about people seeking connection.

I’m planning on trying one of the meetups myself. These things are so uncomfortable to do. And yet loneliness, or aloneness, pushes us toward other human beings, because we need that. It is such a vital part of our lives.

One thing I think we’ve gotten rusty at is talking to strangers — the opposite of what we learned as children. Saying hello. Being friendly. Talking to cashiers at the grocery store or your delivery driver. We all got so rusty, and it’s like we atrophied in that way too. So it’s about loosening that up again and practicing.

Whether you’re attending a meetup or opening yourself up to connect with a stranger, do be discerning and always keep safety in mind.

Opening up feels good. Even when there isn’t a heart-to-heart connection happening. Even if you say hello and someone doesn’t respond. Even if you’re just listening to someone else talk or tell a joke or ramble. It doesn’t have to be the most intimate, thorough conversation. Those nice small connections can keep us going so we’re ready for the deeper connections when they come.

There's also so much more available now — support groups, community clubs, classes — so many offered both in person and virtually. The Alliance for Eating Disorders has around twenty-five free support groups a week. There's a lot out there, and it's worth stepping a toe in.

I'll be honest — I really value deeper connection. So I also have to be willing to live with small talk and be satisfied with it, and then find the people and the moments for something more. That's something I'm still working on too.

Because we are social beings. We so thrive in connection. It helps us live better, healthier, and longer. It's everything, really.

But rusty isn't the end of the story.