Do You Have Unmet Needs?

[caption id="attachment_4592" align="aligncenter" width="999"] Photo credit: © nature78 – depositphotos.com[/caption] Unmet Needs Being needy has a negative connotation, and that label can have a harmful effect by making us hesitate to ask for help or to take care of ourselves. Instead of neediness, let’s look at it as seeking to meet an unmet need. We can trace virtually all our feelings and behaviors back to whether our basic needs are met or unmet. The Center for Nonviolent Communication offers a list you can use to inventory your unmet needs. They’re grouped into seven major categories. It’s no secret that relationships are key to happiness and health, and how much they impact just about every aspect of our lives. So it’s not surprising that needs around connection are at the top, and that this need has the longest list of examples.

CONNECTION	PHYSICAL WELL-BEING	AUTONOMY
acceptance	air	choice
affection	food	freedom
appreciation	movement/exercise	independence
belonging	rest/sleep	space
cooperation	sexual expression	spontaneity
communication	safety
closeness	shelter	MEANING
community	touch	awareness
companionship	water	celebration of life
compassion		challenge
consideration	HONESTY	clarity
consistency	authenticity	competence
empathy	integrity	consciousness
inclusion	presence	contribution
intimacy		creativity
love	PLAY	discovery
mutuality	joy	efficacy
nurturing	humor	effectiveness
respect/self-respect		growth
safety	PEACE	hope
security	beauty	learning
stability	communion	mourning
support	ease	participation
to know and be known	equality	purpose
to see and be seen	harmony	self-expression
to understand and	inspiration	stimulation
be understood	order	to matter
trust		understanding
warmth

Shared with permission:© 2023 by Center for Nonviolent Communication | cnvc@cnvc.org | 505-244-4041

  Assessing whether you have an unmet need takes the emotionality out of it. For example, you notice that you’re feeling really cranky, and you’ve been snapping at people all day. If you can take a step back and look over this list of needs, you’ll likely see where you’re lacking. Maybe you need more sleep, or to spend time on a hobby you enjoy. Sometimes we need help from others to meet certain needs, like scheduling a walk-and-talk with a good friend. We also might need help to identify our most pressing unmet needs and how they relate to our challenges. There is support available. So before you berate yourself or judge someone else for being needy, consider the true meaning of need, and the universal quest to have these basic needs met. Have compassion for yourself and others as we all try to achieve this state of wholeness.