Photo credit: © HayDmitriy – depositphotos.com
I’ve recently moved to an area that’s close to where I grew up at the Jersey Shore, prior to age seventeen when I left for college. Not only do I recognize the familiar landscape, but I also recognize thought patterns from when I was much younger.
“What is everyone wearing?”
I heard a lot of dialogue growing up that I understood to mean I should care about what people think of me and how they view me. This prompted me to find out what others were wearing prior to any outing and dress like them so I would fit in.
Some of this was age-appropriate. Teen years are all about having an imaginary audience, the sense that we’re being watched, scrutinized, and judged. We’re so self-conscious and desperate to fit in, that we go to great lengths to try to do this. I found a photo of me with a friend in high school where we were dressed like twins in green shirts and jean shorts, yet we still looked very different from each other. I remember feeling self-conscious about that.
I asked this question of myself or others right up until I entered my first career, where there wasn’t anyone from my age group at my workplace. Being with all ages and varied demographics somehow cured me.
I was cured but still maintain awareness. On a recent outing with family, including dining at a new-to-me restaurant, I had the old thought again: “What is everyone wearing?”
When my first thought is something that no longer serves me, or I have worked through, I remember something a mentor shared with me years ago. I meet that thought with a smile, as in, “Oh, there you are.” Thankfully, I move pretty quickly from my first thought to my second thought, which in this case was: “Oh, that’s right. I forgot that I used to live in a world where I needed to be dressed like everyone else. I don’t do that anymore.” Out of relief, I sometimes add a “Whew!”
Second thoughts often include a dose of self-compassion. We can honor our former selves when these thoughts pop back up. We can feel proud and confident that we have a new and improved formula for being kinder to ourselves.
For today, let’s celebrate second thoughts.