

Photo credit: © Rawpixel – depositphotos.com
I was recently looking up the benefits of joining something—whatever it is—and the sense of belonging and connection that comes with it. While I’d never tell anyone what they should have for New Year’s goals, I think it’s a really good opportunity to take stock.
Looking at last year, we may ask:
- What made me feel the most alive or fulfilled?
- Did I spend time on things that matter to me?
- What got in the way of doing what matters? Did I get distracted? Was I too busy doing things for other people?
- Were my actions and choices aligned with my values, and did they feel authentic?
From resolutions to practice
Instead of resolutions, I’ve started calling it a “New Year’s practice” because it’s a list of things to practice this year. I call many things a practice. My business is a private practice. I have a yoga practice. I’ve had a meditation practice.
While resolutions suggest a fixed goal to achieve or fail at, practice acknowledges that we’re constantly learning and developing. There will be good days and challenging days, and that’s exactly how it should be. Practice is something that just rolls along.
With practice, you can’t fail—you can only learn and adjust. If you miss a day or don’t perform perfectly, it’s simply part of the practice journey. A resolution, once broken, often feels permanently ruined. With practice, there’s no pressure to get it exactly right. We can do this imperfectly.
Making connection intentional
One of the biggest things is that everyone wants to feel that sense of belonging—not belonging to someone, but maybe belonging with someone or some people.
So how do we do this? Unlike in school, when you walked outside at recess or went to class and there were tons of people you had things in common with and could become friends with, now we really have to make efforts to connect with people.
When I first started my business twenty years ago, I made it a practice to make anywhere from one to three contacts each week, typically through a phone call or meeting for a coffee. These were with people I either went to school with, colleagues, or people who could mentor me in the business.
It wasn’t my intention to make friends—we were allies who could support each other and connect over common interests. But I did create many good friendships doing that.
The hierarchy of connection
In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, that sense of belonging sits right in the middle of the pyramid. Only after we have our physiological needs met (like food, water, and sleep) and feel physically and emotionally safe can we truly focus on building meaningful connections.
This explains why so many of us felt deeply impacted during the pandemic and why we’re still recovering from different levels of trauma. When our ability to connect was disrupted, it affected something fundamental to our well-being—that middle layer of love and belonging.
When it comes to connecting, maybe we can have our own tiers of our goals:
- First priority: In-person meetings
- Second tier: Zoom or FaceTime when distance is a barrier
- Third tier: Telephone conversations
- Last resort: Texting and emails
And social media has its own tiers. Sometimes, we think we’re connecting when we “like” something on social media, but that may or may not get seen. It’s almost like a false connection. Making a comment gets you one step closer, especially when the person responds. Even better is sending a direct message.
Keep those fires stoked
One of the biggest objections I hear from clients is some variation of: “Why do I have to always be the one to reach out? They never contact me.”
People get busy. People get stuck in their own stuff. Some people simply don’t have these skills to connect or to reach out. And so what if we’re the one who does it? If you want connection, then you reach out and keep trying. Maybe it just feels good taking the action, even if it’s not reciprocated at the same level.
It’s about keeping that little fire in a fire pit stoked and not letting it die out. Because that sense of belonging and connection isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s essential to our well-being and growth as human beings. Whether it’s through joining new groups or nurturing existing relationships, the practice of belonging is worth prioritizing in our lives.