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In these days of social media and internet culture, do you feel more or less connected?
Recovering from an eating disorder requires a lot of support—whether that’s a kind word and listening ear, creating new family eating rituals, or changing where you meet friends for coffee or a meal. Because when food and eating have gotten out of order, virtually every aspect of life can be affected.
Having lots of friends online doesn’t necessarily help us feel more connected, but it is possible. When evaluating our friendships—virtual and IRL (in real life), it’s helpful to question whether we feel the kind of deep bond with these friends where we feel safe to speak honestly about our personal challenges with food, weight, and eating disorders.
That’s the difference between friends and friendships: friendship is a deep, intimate connection over something in common, the feeling that you’re not alone, knowing that someone has your back, someone you can laugh and cry with.
It’s important to cultivate those supportive relationships. In some cases, you can actually turn those friendships into something more—you can create a supportive family that meets your needs, both online and in person.
For example, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders provides free, therapist-led eating disorders support groups, and most 12-step recovery programs have virtual and in-person options.
You can also strengthen the bonds in your own family. In today’s busy households, it can be difficult to make time for family members to connect. There are school and business activities and social commitments, and it seems like everyone is on the go.
Whether it’s a child or adult who has the eating disorder, that situation can lead to more solitary eating—often choosing unhealthy, fast options—and can create a sense of shame and secrecy around eating.
One place that families can connect is around the table at mealtime. Research has shown that children who spend time connecting with family over a meal have better grades and fewer instances of substance abuse and eating disorders.
Even if you start with one meal a week, and it’s not perfect—one person running in just before another person has to run out—any effort can go a long way. Setting the intention and showing your family members you value this connection time can have a ripple effect that leads to other positive relationship changes.
Even when you find yourself eating alone, and you’re tempted to use the drive-thru and eat in your car, try this instead: Eat your meal inside the restaurant. You can create a sense of connection with the other diners and turn your meal back into a social ritual.