Photo credit: © AndreyPopov – depositphotos.com
Self-care can mean so many things. For some people, it’s getting a haircut or a massage. For others, it’s more of a therapeutic or clinical issue. Although it seems obvious to everyone that “I know self-care, I’ve got to fill my cup up before I can help someone else” or “recharge my batteries,” it’s actually so much more than that.
Releasing fear first
In my journaling classes, I explain the need to release fear and find the freedom to embrace self-care. We sometimes have to get certain things out of the way to be able to even consider self-care.
Fear might be what prevents someone from taking steps to eat nutritious meals, because they’re afraid of food, or there’s something wrapped up in weight or old messages or cultural messages. Fear, to me, is on a continuum with anxiety. So even if it’s anxiety about some of those things, releasing that needs to happen first so that someone can fully take care of themselves.
In my practice, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) has become one of the best tools in my toolkit. It’s amazing how helpful this technique has been for people to release anxiety, fear, and past trauma in the four or five years I’ve been using it.
Only after releasing these fears can we find the freedom to embrace self-care. This freedom allows us to set boundaries with people and create the space and bandwidth to focus on our needs.
My approach to self-care
I recognize that at this stage of my life, I’m lucky to be able to prioritize self-care. During years of having small children or working fifty hours a week, it was much more challenging, and some self-care inevitably went on the back burner.
Now, though, it’s actually a priority. I still use a paper calendar—I don’t just prefer it, I actually love it. I write in colors that have specific meanings, making it easy to see what’s happening each week.
What’s most important is that I put things that take care of me first. Anything related to my health and well-being goes into my calendar before anything else because if I don’t have my health and well-being, I’ve got nothing to give—and maybe even no energy to give it anyway.
I’m at my best when I’m well-rested when I’ve taken care of myself with nutrition and healthy movement, and attended to doctor or dental appointments. Professionally, I attend supervision groups, work with my editor, take classes, and complete continuing education units for my four licenses and many certifications.
I also make time for meeting up with friends and family, journaling workshops, and art classes. Reading is also part of my self-care.
As long as these activities are in my calendar, I already feel energized and like I have much more to give. Being present with my clients is non-negotiable, but proper self-care also gives me energy to do research, think things through, and create thorough treatment plans.
I’ve always felt that I’m not going to do this work unless I can be fully present and energized. There have been times in the past when I worked from home and saw thirteen clients in a day, and I was still energized and able to do this work. I’ve even trained other new therapists how to take care of themselves and stay energized.
A gradual evolution
This approach to self-care didn’t happen overnight. I co-facilitate a group for the Alliance called “Midlife and Beyond Pro Recovery Support Group,” and I’d say my own recovery process started at early midlife. Now I’m in the “beyond” phase, and it feels good—but it’s taken time, with a couple of steps forward and a couple of steps back.
If you’re interested in exploring self-care further, I’m facilitating a journaling class on Sunday, March 9th, from 4:00–5:00 p.m. Eastern time to help people work through some of these issues and enjoy self-care rather than having it feel like another obligation. You can sign up here.
Whatever work you do—taking care of kids, volunteering, or working for a corporation—I hope this approach is applicable and that I can encourage and guide you to get there, little by little. We’re all constantly evolving.